49.5 & Turbulence

Forty-nine was in town to do some work on his rally car, and we made plans to see each other before he drove back to LA.  He said he was picking me up in his rally car, and I automatically smiled and that smile turned into nonstop giggles when he arrived.  This is not his car, but I want you to have a vague idea of what the inside of a rally car looks like.  Those bars on the side?  Yeah, they're not attached to the door, which means I was cracking up as I tried to gracefully maneuver myself in that car with a walking boot while wearing a dress.  I felt like a bad ass as I buckled up my 5-point seatbelt (after he showed me how to do it) and we took off in the loudest car in town.  It was a gorgeous day filled with ridiculous amounts of traffic in the city, so we decided to finish the Bullitt chase scene that would get us away from the traffic.   

At the end of the chase scene we stopped for lunch, and then I decided we should go to Lake Merced in the hopes of it being less crowded than the park on such a perfect day.  We were in luck because there were more ducks around than people, and we accidentally found a sidewalk that randomly stopped in the water.  We politely talked for awhile like adults before we made out like teenagers - yep, we were those people that if I had seen us I would have muttered, "Geez, get out of here." Thankfully no one yelled at us and there was only an occasional ruckus from the ducks watching.  Finally we got control of ourselves and talked some more before he drove me home.

The next two days we were chatting nonstop - sometimes asking silly get to know you questions and other times having some exchanges on more serious topics.  In the midst of it all I was trying to convince Forty-nine that I wasn't perfect, and he was asking when he could see me again.  I told him he made my stomach flip in a good way with that question and we tried to figure out a time.  In the meantime, my friend that I went speed dating with was in LA, so I suggested that they meet up and talk about horrible I am.  At the end of the night Forty-nine told me that my friend had nothing but good things to say about me and that "My theory still stands: either you are not real, or I'm already dead :)"

The next morning I woke up and decided I wanted/needed to tell him about this blog.  I've watched way too many teen movies where let's say one boy bets another boy to ask the unpopular girl out on a date for the dance.  The boy takes the bet, ends up liking the girl, but then the girl finds about the original bet and drama ensues.  I don't like drama, and I wanted to maintain the honesty that Forty-nine and I had, so I opted to come clean about it.  This day will now be forever known as the time I held my breath for an entire day because it was touch and go there for awhile.  Partly because I told him right before I went to work and wasn't available to talk about the bomb I just dropped on him - not my best timing, but when I decide to do something, I do it then and there.  He asked if he could read the blog, so I sent him the link.  The first message I received afterwards from him was, "MVP, huh? Not bad :)" and I asked  if it was too painful or weird.  He replied that he was a little weirded out but it wasn't anything he couldn't recover from, and I thought "Phew, we're golden."  I told him I just wanted to be honest, and he said he appreciated that and admitted he would have been pissed if he'd found out about it later down the line.  Then I didn't really hear anything from him until he said that he was working on an email.  I hesitantly checked my email nonstop after that.  In the evening I still hadn't heard anything more from him so I sent him a message asking how we were, and he told me that he read them all.  Yikes!  I love this blog and don't think there's anything incriminating on it, but I'll admit it kind of freaked me out that he'd read all of the posts, so I started reading them all again while I waited to hear more from him.

By the end of the night we talked things out over the phone and addressed some of our concerns like that neither of us really knows what we want; we like each other, but we're both kind of hesitant about pursuing a legit relationship for different reasons.  We decided that the distance will help us take things slowly, and that we'll keep on talking like we've been doing. I'm going to continue with the blog (I got his permission for this) which is probably more than a little weird because he's going to keep reading it. Insert nervous laughter here.

Conclusion: We are back on track, but we have no idea where this track is heading.