Seventy-two

My friends and I were at an event for an amazing organization called BUILD, where I bought two pairs of "sockets" (socks with pockets) - one Oakland A's themed, and the other San Francisco Giants. While we were there, I spotted a bearded guy with a man-bun who clearly needed my phone number. So I filled out my handy "high-five" note with my name and number and checked the box that reads "got away with it" and crossed out "it" and added "man-bun." As my friends watched from afar, I approached the handsome man as he was working on his laptop.

Me: Excuse me, may I bother you for a moment?
Him: Sure.
Me: I'm Penelope. What's your name?
Him: Seventy-two
Me: It's nice to meet you. Do you happen to have a preference between the Giants and the A's?
Him: Not really, but I guess the A's.
Me: (as I held out the A's sockets) These are sockets; they're socks with pockets. I was trying to decide what would fit in this pocket, and I decided it was my number. (as I put the folded paper in the pocket and handed him the sockets) So if the occasion arises, you should call me.

And then I told him to have a nice night before I walked away. My friends said it was fantastic to watch, especially his reaction after I left. They told me that Seventy-two started smiling, took out the note and read it, smiled even more, turned it over, read it again, and just kept smiling as he looked around (probably looking for the hidden cameras).

Whether or not he calls me, I call it a win. My friends were entertained, I have another fun story, Seventy-two has hopefully also shared this story with his friends, and his confidence was bumped up a few notches. Definitely a win for everyone.

Seventy-one

This one might be my favorite first meeting of a guy in a long time.  For my birthday a few of my friends and I put on roller skates and coveralls and skated down The Embarcadero.  When a gate blocked off our path around a building we took a break for a photo shoot with the sunset, Bay Bridge, and city skyline.  At this point a gentleman asked what we were doing and then invited us to skate inside The Exploratorium after we told him it was my birthday.  The rules were that he would let us in as long as we didn't tell on him and that we avoid the fancy party that was happening in one wing.  He also let us know that there was a staff happy hour happening and basically told us to use our best judgment there.  Since we were a bit of a spectacle on skates in our multi-colored coveralls as we skated by the staff happy hour, one guy waved us in to join while a few others just smiled and nodded their heads in amusement.

Seventy-one is the one who waved us in and didn't question who we were or what we were doing before offering us drinks.  Then he told us he had roller skates at his office and went to get them. He quickly came back and offered to show us around on our skates, and at one point he took my phone to take pictures of us.  When he returned the phone he said the pictures were going to be great.  I seized the day and said, "You know what would make this better? If you put your number in the phone, too." He was super adorable and unassuming as he asked, "Really?  Are you hitting on me?" I told him, "Yeah, I am. You have skates and don't care why we're here." To which he replied, "Well, I do know what's important in a relationship."

The next day I sent him a picture that he'd taken of my friends and me and texted, "Thanks for making my birthday extra special."  He replied that we had all been the talk of The Exploratorium the next day.  A couple of days went by and I decided that I was just going to pull the trigger and ask him out because it shouldn't be a huge shock after all since I did ask for his number, so I texted him, "Are you free Thursday or Friday after work to go on a date with me?" He responded, "Penelope! You pretty much made my day.  That being said, I'm not sure that I can" No punctuation mark, and of course to his response wasn't a solid no, so I obviously replied, "Yay for making your day! To be clear: you're not sure that you can go on a date next week or ever? (I'm hoping you just mean next week)" To which he never responded. Ever.

Option A: I completely scared him (wouldn't be the first time).
Option B: He dropped his phone in the Bay before finishing his original text which explains the lack of punctuation.
Option C: Alien abduction.

Seventy

I have multiple post-it pads featuring thanks, high-fives, and complaints. I've been carrying the high-five ones around (usually for co-workers) when I came to the realization that guys might want a high-five post-it with my number.  I was eating dinner with a friend and noticed a guy (at least my age, shaggy salt & pepper hair) reading Go Set a Watchman, which I had read a few weeks earlier. It was obvious that he should be the first recipient of a high-five note with my number, so as he gathered his things to leave I handed him the paper and said I had a high-five for him. He was confused (Note to self: polish the presentation of the note next time), said thanks, and put it with his book.  I have yet to hear from him (not a huge surprise based on my poorly planned delivery - by poorly planned, I clearly mean no plan). Perhaps he got food-poisoning that night and doesn't like Pluto's; maybe he finished the book and realized he doesn't like Harper Lee at all. I'll probably never know. However, we ALL know that he won't be the last to receive a note like this.

The Men in My Life

My life is encompassed with a multitude of amazing friends.  Three of those people are wonderful men that at one point or another people have asked, "Why aren't you dating him?!"  While I've never dated or even kissed any of these guys,  I've learned a lot from them about life and love and am forever thankful that they're part of my world.

1. The family man: I've known him since he moved to town when we were in fourth grade.  He's that guy that's pretty much perfect at everything he does - sports, school, work, and being a gentleman.  Dark hair, blue eyes, and a smile for everyone he meets this guy was definitely voted for something in high school (probably for being perfect).  He was always dating different girls throughout middle and high school, and I always heard about them and was his sounding board for relationship advice.  It wasn't until I was leaving for college that I thought about "us" but in retrospect it was more of a homesick panic that it was going to be weird to not be at his house after school doing homework together and knowing every thing about his day.  Throughout college we talked regularly and I saw him during my visits home, and after college the same remained true.  We would visit and fall asleep next to each other while talking about whatever was going on in our lives at the time.  On one visit in our early 20s, I met his girlfriend and she joined us for a night out with some buddies.  The next day over lunch he mentioned that she'd been weird since I arrived.  I apologized and he said, "Whatever, you're my best friend and she's just a girl I'm dating."  It meant the world to me to have him verbalize our friendship like that.  The family man is married with four kids now, and I'm the godmother to one of them.  His wife is amazing and they are a great team, and while they live halfway across the country we still take time to talk on the phone and offer advice and encouragement about whatever is happening.  He's that guy that I will subconsciously compare other men to when thinking about the future.

2. The bachelor: My sister and I met him on another continent when we were traveling in 2006, and I vividly remember playing Spoons by the campfire with him and the others with us and laughing over our ridiculous conversations.  I had the typical immediate crush on him for the next few days, and then we said goodbye.  We emailed occasionally, and then he moved to SF for school and we'd meet up whenever I was in town, and now I live here and we've become great friends.  He's a charming guy who's up for anything at a moment's notice.  Over the years I've seen him through a string of girls, and I told him (completely out of the blue) that we could never kiss because I thought it was important that he has at least one girl in his life that is strictly platonic.  He's been supportive of every decision I've made and holds me up on a pedestal and will never let me settle for a man that he doesn't deem worthy of me.  When my heart was cracked he planned a weekend of fun and distraction and continued to check in on me.  The bachelor is the guy that while no matter whom he might be dating he always seeks my input about them, and he always makes time to spend with me.  He's the guy that reminds me that you should always have time for your friends no matter what's happening in your love life.

3. The best friend: I met him in 2009 when he worked at a restaurant that I frequented.  My house was between the restaurant and his place, so he began to stop by on his way home from work and he would sit on the porch talking with my roomie and me.  I definitely had a crush on him, but during some casual conversation in the beginning he made a comment about never messing around with friends because that had backfired on him before, so that was it, I never made a move and closed that door.  Our friendship was intense, quirky, and rocky at the start, so when he invited me over to dinner after we hadn't hung out for a couple months I made it known that (a) I was dating someone and (b) I was moving to SF.  He responded with, "Best friend, you're moving?!  Well, we better spend as much time together as possible before you go then." True to his word, the months up to my move he spent the majority of his free time with my friends and me.  He's the guy that says things that make some people raise their eyebrows with speculation that he's in love with me.  While that would be a storybook ending, I can't wrap my mind around it as an option because (a) he has a serious girlfriend and (b) we live across the country from each other and are both happy where we are.  Yet he's the guy that I fear on his wedding day I'm going to pull some crazy Julia Roberts shenanigans from My Best Friend's Wedding because whether or not he's in love with me he always makes me feel special.  The best friend is the guy that balances me as we live two very different lives.

There you have it, those are three influential men in my life.  I feel like I've just written a speech for when I become the president for some dating company.

68.Ring

Don't get your hopes up; the ring isn't on my finger.  Sixty-eight and I had been texting back and forth for about a week, meaning he continued to tolerate and reply to my silly questions (ie, If you could be any instrument what would it be? He chose the cello "a little reserved and unassuming at first glance, but unbridled personality just under the surface.").  When I asked if he wanted to go on a date he responded, "Full disclosure, I'm a little messed up in my feelings-place from the last lady I was hung up on.  So I'm not sure I'm in the best place for dating just now.  That said, you're definitely cool as shit and I enjoy your company." I replied, "Full disclosure: (a) I usually scare guys away - not on purpose - after date one, (b) I love to makeout, (c) I'm a pretty fantastic person to have in friend zone, (d) I love lists."  Sixty-eight concluded, "So why don't we just take the pressure off of calling it dating, and we can still be open about doing fun things together?"  All cards on the table, the way I like it (even if I did put myself directly into the friend zone).

So far we've hung out once, and it was lovely.  We spent the afternoon wandering around the park, snacking on pastries, and getting to know each other.  He is funny and witty with a side on cynicism. He also wears rings.  When I first met him he was wearing two, and I thought, "Um, why?"  You learn something new about yourself all the time - apparently I'm not a huge fan of guys wearing rings (Unless they're married.  Married men, please always wear your wedding ring.  Proudly.).  When we were at the park I noticed he was only wearing one ring, so I asked him about it.  He was bummed because he had just lost the other one.  The one he still wore was his class ring. Yep, class ring...from high school...he's 28.  I'm not saying it's a deal breaker on any level, but if he lost that one, too, I wouldn't be super upset.

Sixty-nine

Dolt.  I don't remember the last time I used that word, but that is the synonym I've chosen for Sixty-nine.  I met him speed dating a few weeks ago. Yes, I went speed dating again, and it was a delight.  Mainly because I went with my friend who chose to make up three different careers to talk about when the guys asked her about work: social media for a toothpick company, manager for King Kobbler, and a chinchilla breeder. When you go speed dating with a friend and sit at the same table with her, it is impossible not to get distracted and start laughing when you overhear her say "chinchilla."  But I digress.

When Sixty-nine walked up and the first question out of his mouth was, "So, Penelope, what's your deal?  Do you just go around town making out with people?" I immediately knew this would be great and replied, "You have me pegged."  For the next five minutes we bantered back and forth.  At the end of the evening he and I talked while I waited for my friend.  He decided he should go ahead and give me his number since we were obviously going to put each other down as matches.  When I hugged him bye he told me that we'd make out soon.

He and I texted back and forth that evening, and that was it.  A few days later I sent him a message asking if he was free the next night.  He replied, "I have friends in town. Sorry." I responded with a polite "no worries," and then decided to send a follow up, "But for some reason your phone didn't send your second text.  You know the one that reads 'However, are you free on such and such day?' You should get that checked out."  No response.  The following week I tried the no smart-ass approach and just asked, "How's it going?"  Still nothing.  Obviously this was going nowhere.  But you know me, I need to get one last shot in before I call it quits.  So a few days later on Father's Day, I sent him a final message, "Happy Father's Day?"  The next day he finally replied with a simple, "lol."  That's it.  If that's all the effort he's putting forth then I'm proclaiming him a dolt.

Sixty-eight

Sixty-eight is a bartender at my friend's restaurant, and when I first met him I wasn't thinking a thing about having a crush on him.  However, I was sitting at the bar with a friend and we were going to karaoke, so obviously I asked Sixty-eight when he had last gone to karaoke.  He told me he'd only been once, and I informed him that was about to change and that he would be going with us when he finished work.  Still not interested in him, I was impressed that he gave me his number and wrote "for all your karaoke needs" next to it and joined us in closing down a karaoke bar that night.  Throughout those few hours, he sang twice and politely agreed to slow dance with me during a Boys II Men song.  Bonus points to anybody for spontaneously joining two girls they've just met for a night of karaoke and going along with our silliness.

The following week I wanted to go to the movies and asked Sixty-eight if he was available.  He unfortunately had to work, but we started texting and I attempted to flirt because while I wasn't initially drawn to him for whatever reason, he was a nice guy and it never hurts to flirt with a nice guy.  Here's what you need to know about my flirting ability, it's neutral.  My personality is flirtatious and super friendly by nature.  I don't think I'm over the top flirty because I talk to pretty much everyone the same.  I could say something to one of my platonic friends and it's friendly in my head, but I could say the exact same thing to a crush and it's flirty in my head since I like them.  Anyhow, we had an entire text conversation that I thought was flirtatious, and I made the rare decision to not ask him out just yet.  That never happens.  Usually my brain says, "Oh, you're texting a guy and he's texting back? Ask him out right now." And then the boy throws his phone in the trash and runs away rather than reply.

A few days later another friend and I went into the restaurant for dinner. Sixty-eight was there and everything was casual and he was super charming and adorable.  When my friend and I asked for a single scoop of ice cream to split for dessert, he delivered us three desserts.  Maybe it was the sugar, but I swooned.  And then I started talking about sweatpants, ie "So much food, we are definitely wearing sweatpants to work tomorrow" and "I'm going straight home and snuggling up with my sweatpants." To top it off when I got home I texted him, "So happy that I have a ridiculous amount of legit sweatpants."  In retrospect, I know that talk of sweatpants isn't standard in the world of flirting (no matter how much I really do love sweatpants).  Sixty-eight never replied to that text, so fifteen hours later I decided to rectify the situation with this gem of a follow-up text, "...she said in her sexiest voice."  That got an immediate reply of a smiley face emoji.  I quit while I was ahead and locked my phone in a safe for two weeks so I don't scare him away again too soon.

Sixty-seven

Sixty-seven has the dance moves of James Brown and a smile of pure joy (and per usual is ten years younger than I am).  His moves and enthusiasm caught my attention on the dance floor where I ran into him a few times.  One of those times as he sang every word to the song that was playing I got his number and told him he had to come to karaoke with my friends.  At this point I wasn't sure how old he was or if he was gay or straight, but I knew that he needed to be a regular fixture in my life.  Two days later he joined my friends and me for karaoke and everyone confirmed that he was fantastic.  I finally confirmed that he was single and asked if he wanted to go on a date and let him know that whatever his answer was it would in no way affect his standing with the group.  He said yes!

We went to dinner and laughed so much, there was an imaginary sticker board and I was giving him (and taking away) imaginary stickers for every thing that I learned about him.  The people next to us probably thought we were completely nuts when we had our hands in the air fighting over the imaginary sticker board.  After dinner we met up with some of my friends for a night of dancing.  We both had to be up early the next morning, so he drove me home and we said good night.  Then he went on vacation two days later.

I waited patiently for him to get back. We had such a fun time together, but since we're both so outgoing and energetic it was hard to tell if there would be another date or if we'd just be friends.  When he got back I invited him to meet me out at a friend's bar, but he already had plans.  I tried again with a social event that was happening at a museum and didn't get a response. I wasn't ready to give up quite yet, because no matter what, he is a blast and my friends and I want him in our gang.  I gave it one more try and invited him out for dancing with a few others.  He accepted, we danced, we laughed, he drove me home, we said good night, and he said it was good seeing me.  Since I haven't specifically asked him out for another date, and he hasn't asked me out for anything I think it's safe to say that we're just going to be friends.  I think I'm okay with that.  As long as he's around to make me laugh and bring his sweet moves to the dance floor, I'll be happy.

Sixty-six

At 1:00am I had successfully convinced my friends that they should stop drinking and we should all head home, so as they wandered around the bar getting ready to leave I offered our chairs to the group of guys that were squeezed in the bench next to me.  This resulted in Sixty-six next to me and talking to me about my evening.  I told him I was about to leave but recommended that he and all of his friends should try to fit in the photo booth.  He replied, "What? You want to do the photo booth with me?"  "I meant that you and your friends should do the photo booth, but yeah, why not, let's go to the photo booth!" After our glamour shots I told him we'd each take a strip of the pictures, write our name and number on the back, and then trade.  He asked if it was a serendipity thing, and I told him it was more of a "If we look at these tomorrow and think "huh, that wasn't horrible" then we should go out."  I gave him a hug, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, and we said goodbye.

Within twenty minutes this text conversation happened.

Him: Tomorrow night?
Me: If you wanna go to a BBQ with my friends and me then absolutely.
Him: I meant, tomorrow night really?  What about now?  Where you headed?
Me: Home. Work in the morning.
Him: Me too.  Let a stranger in your door?
Me: Pass
Him: Ouch
Me: I know that traditionally photo boothing with a stranger is code for hooking up, but I was just having fun.
Him: Sometimes someone just wants to have fun.

Knowing that he was probably drunk, and most likely just saw the photo booth girl as a booty call, I thought I'd try for an actual date.  So a few days later I sent him a message asking if he wanted to find another place with a photo booth and meet up for a drink.  Radio silence as expected, but it was worth a chance.

Sixty-five

It's safe to say that I have a habit of asking out guys that have at least one of the following characteristics: love of pot, a tadbit scruffy, several years younger than I.  So when I met Sixty-five (scruffy, handsome, young surfer dude from Hawaii that works at a pizza joint) while I was out listening to jazz I was very proud of myself for NOT asking for his number. We hit it off in the first ten minutes when we started trying to guess each other's names, and I was definitely planning on getting his number.  Within twenty minutes he made a reference of "the other day when I was smoking a joint..." which I overlooked because his embarrassing and very entertaining surfing story trumped that detail.  After thirty minutes his charm was slowly starting to fade with a few choice comments.  The things he said weren't the worst - I have a few guy friends who in certain context would say similar things, but the familiarity that Sixty-five said them after knowing me for less than an hour was a bit of a let down.  One example is when one of the sax players stepped up to the mic, Sixty-five said, "This guy is the best on the West Coast.  No, seriously, he'll make you're d*@k hard, he's so good."  Like I said, not the worst commentary, but definitely not the best.  I was very proud of myself for staying strong and not getting his number, because while I know that I would have had a fun time if we'd gone out, I also know that it would turn into my typical situation of this guy is fun, yay for kissing, we don't need to go on a second date.  As I left I told my friend how proud of myself that I was, but that didn't mean I'd be strong if I saw him again.

Four days later when I was on my way to dinner with a friend, we ran into Sixty-five and his skateboard (of course, he has a skateboard - bonus points).  He gave me a hug and asked what I was up to that night.  I introduced him to my friend, told him we were going to dinner.  After I politely ignored that it seemed like he wanted me to invite him to join us for dinner, he asked for my number and handed me his flip phone (bonus points for a flip phone in my book - seriously, it's kind of endearing). He sent me a message later "Great running into you, let's hang soon." I replied with "Absolutely."  He simply said, "Sweet, we will hang soon."  I didn't hear from him, but then I saw him a few nights later for jazz again.  We chatted and when it was time for me to leave he said, "We still need to hang.  Maybe we can grab a beer here next week."  I said sure, left, didn't hear from him, and I didn't make it to jazz night.  Maybe he was waiting for me with a drink, but I doubt it.  This dude is super chill and probably didn't notice I wasn't there.

I have no moral of this story.  Maybe just that I have double standards for what guys can say around me depending on if we're friends or if we've just met.

64.3.4.Fizzle

The final stats before the fizzle: Sixty-four and I went out/stayed in four times in a two week span, he called me Cupcake two times and told me my hands were "so soft" about seventy-seven times, he told me he wanted me "so bad" one time, he smoked pot in front of me once, he sent me three selfies with various family members, and he told me I had to leave one time; I was an insensitive and sarcastic jerk about twenty-seven times, I told him I wanted him "so bad" zero times, I told him "my hands are still soft" one time, and I sent him a picture of cookies one time and a picture of a dog one time.

After our second date he sent me pictures of his family around the dinner table, a selfie with his sister, and another with one of his brothers.  While I did think it was sweet and very personal that he wanted to share those people with me, I didn't feel the need to do the same.  My response was sending him a picture of a giant plate of cookies at our holiday gathering and another of the dog I was walking.

Date three consisted of us meeting for tacos one night after he got off work and before I had to go walk a dog.  I was determined to talk and find out more about him, and what I discovered was that while we have physical attraction in common, we don't have a lot to talk about.  He is amazed by how busy I keep myself when I'm not at work, and I'm astounded by how much he stays at home watching sports.  The fourth time I saw him was at his place again because he wanted to stay in and watch the game.  I met his other roommates while I was there, and after they eventually disappeared when the game ended Sixty-four and I chatted a little and kissed a lot.  This is the part in the story that I want to make clear: we were on his couch in his living room where roommates could walk in (and had) at any given time.  At no point did Sixty-four ask me to go to his room (whether or not I would have, I don't know), but I definitely wasn't going to be doing anything more in the public area of the apartment than what was already happening.  So when he suddenly jumped up and said, "You have to go." I was caught off guard.  I thought, "Wow, he is pissed" but said, "Yeah, okay." He walked me to the door, gave me a quick kiss, and told me to let him know when I was home.  I sent him a message when I got home and felt the need to apologize even though I hadn't done anything wrong, "Hey, I'm sorry about tonight, I didn't intend to be a tease."  For the record, I don't think I was being a tease.  He responded, "Don't worry, I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself.  We're both adults, don't trip."  

The next day was New Year's, and we texted what felt like an obligatory Happy New Year's to each other.  I should have let it fizzle there, but against my better judgment a couple of days later (and because I was bored at the doghouse and because I'm a jerk) I started a casual text conversation with him that ended with us making plans to grab dinner a couple days later.  We had no communication over those next two days and the day we were supposed to meet Sixty-four texted me, "I'm going to have to cancel our plans for tonight."  Relief.  Good for him.  We both had apparently come to terms that this was going nowhere.  I replied, "No problem.  Have a great day." The end.  I'm sure I'll run into him since he works in my neighborhood, but I'm not worried about it.  There was no dramatic blowup, just two people realizing that we didn't need to date, but that we sure had fun flirting and kissing during those two weeks.