Handsy and the Lone Wolf

For New Year's Eve I went to a small house party hosted by a friend of a friend.  Three friends twice removed was Handsy, whom I had never met and felt absolutely no connection with, other than his hands unfortunately.  That sounds more risque than it really is.  Handsy was apparently taken with me and kept standing right next to me and putting his hands around my waist like we were a high school couple in puppy love.  I would politely excuse myself to get a glass of water, a snack, a tissue, anything that wasn't near him.  Each time he would be back at my side within minutes.  While he seemed like a perfectly nice guy that is into extreme sports, the fact that his hands were constantly trying to be connected to me made him annoying.  When I left the party, he followed me out and asked for my number; in the spirit of "I've asked a gazillion guys, and it's nice to be asked out for a change" I did give him my number.  Then he drunkenly went in for a kiss, which I managed to turn into an awkward hug.

A few days later he called, and we shared a slightly uncomfortable phone call (normally I'm the one to avoid awkward silences, but I was trying to be polite and not lead him on) about watching live music.  Handsy said he would check into some upcoming shows and get back with me.  Three weeks went by, and I hadn't heard from him.  Mission accomplished.

The other night I was meeting up with a friend for dancing and ended up there early, so I found a place on the dance floor and got to grooving.  By the time Laurie arrived an hour later, I was in a dance circle with bearded dude, Asian guy and his two friends, stoned out hands-in-the-air dude, and a girl and her super drunk boyfriend.  Also, my new friend Harold, the barback, would come by on his rounds and we'd dance for a few minutes.  I really didn't think much about any of this until Laurie asked how I knew all of these guys.  Well, I knew Harold from just being at this bar regularly enough and bearded dude because I managed to clumsily step on his feet twice in three minutes when I first got there.  She and I were wondering why all these random guys were around me when someone's arms were suddenly around my waist.  At first I thought it was Harold, but then I turned around to see Handsy.  What? No!!! Why?  I didn't let those words come out of my mouth, but they were definitely swimming around my head. I managed to twirl out of the reach of his hands and say hi from a respectable distance.  Laurie and I continued dancing and secretly laughing about the random dudes swarming me.  

I successfully avoided Handsy the rest of the time without seeming too rude, I hope (as uninterested as I was, I didn't want to be perceived as a jerk).

Conclusion for the single ladies: If you want to meet a man, go out by yourself for an hour or so and see what happens.  While I didn't ask out any of these guys, the opportunities were there.  Maybe there was a full moon or something: I should check the Farmer's Almanac.  Regardless, test this new theory of mine, and be the lone wolf for an hour or two this weekend.

15 Minutes

Two friends helped one of our buddies move to LA, and as the unofficial welcoming committee for California I flew down for the weekend to be with them.  A few hours later we were waiting for  Brett's cousin to join us at a pub; while we waited we decided it would be a terrific idea for me to act like I didn't know any of them and ask out the cousin.  Terrific idea it was!  When we knew Z was on his way, I wandered off and made friends with other people until after he arrived.  I waited a few minutes for Z to get settled before walking over to him.  Here's the rundown: I walked up to the table and stood patiently for a few seconds waiting for a break in the conversation.  When there was a pause, I touched Z's shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I saw you walk in and thought you were very handsome and had to tell you." Z gave me a slightly uncomfortable smile and said thank you, so I told him my name was Penelope, asked for his name, and then asked him if he came here very often.  "Um yeah, sometimes." "Well maybe we could do something sometime." "Yeah, maybe." I decided to put a little pressure on him and said, "Maybe we could start right now." I kid you not that his response was, "Um, maybe in like fifteen minutes."  It took all I had to keep a straight face as I sat down next to my friends and said, "Or maybe right now." I held it together for about three more seconds until we all broke down laughing and told him who I really was.  I'd say he was still a little wary of me for his first couple drinks.

When I told him the fifteen minutes response was horrible, Z explained his rationale that he just wanted to have some time to catch up with his cousin.  I advised him that next time he should throw that explanation in with his fifteen minutes response.

43.1

Success!  I met Forty-three to play skeeball at a neighborhood bar.  Overall summary: we talked, played skeeball (I suggested this, which made him laugh because I'm absolutely horrible at it), talked, had dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant, and talked some more.  It was fantastic.  Seriously, sometimes you go on a date and at the end you think to yourself, "I think it went well, we'll see."  After this date my thought was, "Yes!  I can't wait for the next date!" In my professional opinion, we were at total ease with each other as we got to know each other, but not so much that we floated into friend-zone territory.  Here are some of my favorite facts about him: he can break dance and just loves dancing in general, he doesn't have a TV but he loves the show The Walking Dead, he loves all of my favorite 80s movies, his favorite Christmas song is "Mele Kalikimaka." Oh yeah, and he's 29, what?!

We don't have another date set, but I'm going to be cocky here and say there will definitely be one.

Forty-three

"...or a significant relationship."  That's what I overheard Forty-three telling his friend, when I turned around and said, "I have no idea what the first option was, but you should definitely go for the significant relationship."  Forty-three asked me, "Were you eavesdropping on us?" "No, my super power is hearing; it's a blessing and a curse." "Well mine is amazing eyesight." "Fantastic, my vision is horrible, so we'll make a great team." After this exchange we introduced ourselves and then he stepped up to meet all of my friends.  He and his friend stayed around us until we closed down the bar.  At one point he and his friend started snapping, and I asked, "Which one of you is a Jet and which is a Shark?" "What?" "Sorry, West Side Story reference." "Never seen it." "Well, that's just unfortunate." Then he started singing, "Tonight, tonight, there's only you tonight..." Forty-three followed that up with a medley of a few other songs from the musical, so I told him, "Okay, we're definitely going to need to go out." "I think we can arrange something."  At the end of the night when I was telling everyone bye, Forty-three walked up and asked, "Were you just going to leave without giving me your number?"  "Of course not, I was coming to find you to make sure you had my number."  Number exchange complete. 

I called him two days later, and we had a conversation that consisted of mixed tapes, small fluffy dogs, Casey Kasem, Kris Kross, Faith No More, window seats, and the use of the term homeboys.  At the end of a very entertaining phone call we made plans for a date in a few days.  I'm pretty sure this date is going to be filled with us talking over each other and loads of laughs.  I'm ready!

Forty-Two

I was on my way to the doghouse and was trying to decide what I was going to have for dinner when the "perfect" date opportunity appeared before my eyes.  Forty-two rode towards me on his bicycle and said, "Heeey."  I repeat, there was an extended "ee" in the "hey."  With my stomach rumbling I smiled and replied, "Heeey.  Do you want to go grab some dinner with me?"  Cue the awkward music.  He looked at me with a confused expression, pointed to his headphones, held up his phone, and rode right on past me.  That's right, ladies and gentlemen, he was on the phone.  The extended "ee" was not meant for me.  I wish that I could have pretended that I was also on the phone, but it was in my purse and I didn't have my headphones.  For the record, I stopped at the store for a frozen dinner that night.