76.Just Cookies

The good news is Seventy-six is as charming as ever. The bad news is that he isn't single.  First I asked him how many wives/girlfriends he had, to which he responded "One will suffice. I learned not to be a greedy Frenchman." My first interpretation was that he wasn't single, but then I thought maybe he meant that he didn't have someone, but when he did only one will do. A few days later I mentioned that he was spoiling me after he dropped off cream puffs to me on a busy day and he replied that I was the one spoiling him. I took a deep breath and said, "It's easy to spoil a crush." In response I got, "I couldn't agree more." So I still wasn't sure whether or not he was single.

A few days later I gave him a card to state my case. On the front it stated "I like you. So now what?" There was a web full of options branching off of it with ride range of "let's have kids" to "let's see a movie." On the inside I wrote, "I know some of those options are extreme, but I thought this was a great card. However, I truly do enjoy you and know we'd have a great time together if you're single (please let me know if you're not single)." It took him a couple of days to respond, but when he did it was as sweet as ever. "Good morning, Penelope. My apologies for my snail reply to your card - which I love - ahhh you make for a quite a gem. As you know I am 100% not single, but this is not the obstacle of spending friendly and innocent time with you - time is what I'm lacking. If only I could manufacture more time." I started laughing when I read "as you know" because clearly I didn't absolutely know because he never directly told me. Either way, we're good and he brought me cookies later that day, so I won't be losing any of this cookie weight anytime soon.

77.1

My friends organized a carnival-themed birthday outing which included me challenging guys to activities such as carthweels, balancing spoons on noses, and duets. Each challenge was written on a raffle ticket that also had my phone number on it in case I thought any of the gentlemen worthy. Seventy-seven enthusiastically sang "Build Me Up Buttercup" with me on the sidewalk and then texted me a week later. After a few text messages we established that when we sang together he was waiting for a Tinder date that was two hours late and that he was sitting there thinking about other stuff he could have been doing. I told him that was a shame because he could have been hanging out with me, and that it wasn't too late. We made plans for a date the next week.

We met at a way too loud and crowded sports bar that I chose because it had arcade games like pinball and skee ball. We still managed to talk, and I learned that Seventy-seven is well-traveled and speaks four languages. While I wasn't falling head over heels for him by an means, I enjoyed talking about travels with him. An hour later as we walked around we passed a pottery place where he had taken a class. He told me he had made a container with a lid and that he should really put something in it; then after a few seconds he said, "Actually it's the perfect size for condoms for my bedside table." I reacted with a blank stare and said, "Yeah, you could do that" as I thought "Well, that's a weird thing to say on a first date." A while later he pointed at a building down the block. I told him I'd never heard of it and didn't know what it was. Too which he replied, "My ex-girlfriend and I went there. It's a sex club and we were looking for someone to join us." Again, I reacted with a blank stare and said, "Oh" and thought, "Well, I'm done here."

I hugged him goodbye shortly after as he went to catch his train and I met up with some friends. A few days later he messaged me that he enjoyed our date and asked how the rest of my night was. I decided to call it quits on this one and avoid commenting on our date and simply replied that it was good catching up with my friends over a comically horrible game of pool. It's been a week and there haven't been any other communication, and I'm good with that. 

76.On Hold

When the guy you want to go on a date with lives in an hour and a half away, rarely uses his phone, and has a funky work schedule making a date actually happen is next to impossible. Seventy-six and I still exchange adorable texts when he has his phone on, which he says is usually only when he's in the city doing deliveries. I've learned that he takes the bus in to the city a few times a week and does deliveries all day and night and then takes the bus back. He's promised to let me know if there's ever a slow evening of deliveries and we can meet up. I haven't given up on this actually happening, but I've quit trying to initiate it. In the meantime I will continue to enjoy free cookie deliveries and sweet compliments from my French pirate.

Seventy-six

I love cookies (especially chocolate chip cookies), so when a bike courier started coming in to my work to deliver cookies and then started leaving a box for me regularly and complimenting my smile, well, I knew that I was going to have to start getting larger clothes to accommodate the inevitable cookie weight. Since I'm not always at the same desk every day, Seventy-six got in the habit of leaving a box for me even when I wasn't there, and when I was there he was a delight with his fun energy, charming compliments, and accent that made me seriously think he might be a pirate.

It had been a couple of weeks since I'd seen him when he tried to track me down at two of my offices; when I wasn't at either he left cookies for me with one of my co-workers. A few days later he was at a different building and let my colleague there know that he probably wasn't going to have time to make it to my building but to tell me hi and that he missed me. I knew I had to find him and get his number, so I ordered cookies the next day. Sadly I got a different courier. The following Monday I tried again with no luck. On Wednesday one of my co-workers who was in full support of me getting digits and a lifetime supply of cookies volunteered to order cookies for me. Seventy-six brought them, but I was in a meeting across the street, so I missed him. When I got back to my desk I decided that I should order cookies since I knew he was delivering. A minute after I submitted the order one of my colleagues at the building I had just left let me know that, "You're cookie guy just left you some goodies." Twenty minutes later the cookies I ordered arrived with another courier. So I had a total of five boxes of cookies and no phone numbers. Please note that from all of those cookies I only had 1.5 and shared the rest of the cookie love. The following day I decided to try one last time, and VICTORY! The cookies were delivered by Seventy-six. I immediately let him know that I had ordered them, and he sweetly said, "You never need to pay for cookies." He asked if I had been getting the cookies he'd left and I said, "Yes, but I haven't seen you." Then I handed him a note that I had written the day before (I'd given everyone on my team strict instructions that if he came back they had to give him the note), which read Thank you for the cookies and smiles, but mostly the smiles. Then I signed it and added my number.

Less than ten minutes later I received the following message, "So good to see you, Penelope! Enjoy the cookies and keep that smile shining. Have a great day! And thank you for your sweet note. I attached it to my bag to keep this world smiling one pedal stroke at a time." When I told him I was off the next day because I had family visiting, he told me to let him know if were downtown and he'd deliver us cookies. So sweet. A few days later I asked him if he lived in the city and if he was free to meet up over the weekend. Sadly he responded, "I live in Sacramento for the moment, but I come into the city 2 to 3 times a week to do what I love, biking and delivering. That being said I'm honored and blushing that you would want to meet up." So now we're going to attempt to meet up after one of his shifts one day soon hopefully, which is completely ridiculous since I insist on not even going on dates with people across the bridge, and now I'm trying to go on dates with this guy who lives ridiculously far.

In conclusion, I'm clearly a sucker for guys that have accents and access to chocolate chip cookies.

Seventy-five

Sometimes when you've been hanging out with a guy and you're not sure if he wants to be friends or more, you get the perfect confirmation.

I met Seventy-five at a chill jazz night, and within minutes we bonded over our mutual love of dancing. I invited him to join my friends and me for a night of dancing the next weekend, and he was a huge hit. He immediately introduced himself to everyone, and we all danced the night away. The following week he invited me to join him for a locking workshop (as in pop and lock...definitely not my forte...by which I mean I'd never done it before...at all). I went, had no clue what the instructor was talking about the majority of the class, and smiled the entire time. After class Seventy-five put his arm around me and told me how happy he was that I came to the class with him. Then he went to NY for a week and lost his phone, so there was a pause in our dancing courtship.

Two weeks later we went to a bar and played pool together and actually got to talk and know each other a bit better. I admired his passion for trying new things; rather than being someone who simply talks about things they want to do, he actually makes a plan and follows through with them. He loves meeting new people and has a social calendar that is as packed as mine. Two days later he went to a show with me when one of my friend's had to cancel, and after the show we had dinner and taught each other dance moves on the sidewalk (not a euphemism...I taught him the Charleston and Roger Rabbit, and he taught me a couple locking moves). The next week he joined my friends and me for another jazz night, and the next week I went to another locking class with him and dancing with his friends the following night. In the midst of all of these hang outs neither of us made any moves or asked what was happening. In my standard outlook I knew that I'd be fine with being friends with this guy or making out and dating him. Whereas my friend Rob declared, "You have enough fun, nice guys in your life. You deserve someone to actually date!" All the while Seventy-five was slightly elusive in the sense that I wasn't sure if he was simply being very chivalrous and attentive as he put his arm around me while at a show, guiding me through crowds, and putting his hand on my back every time he opened the door for me.

Then he went to NY again, and when he returned I was out of town for a few days. So we made plans to go out for dinner and celebrate his new job when I got back. A few hours before we met he had been at a work social and texted me, "Good to go soon, just lil drunk right now with my co-workers. Not stupid though, just a heads up." I found this highly entertaining because he's not a huge drinker, and I appreciated the warning. While we ate at one point he declared, "That's my girl!" and put his arm around me after I said something that he obviously agreed with, and then a few minutes later regarding another topic he said, "That's why we're friends!" Hmmmm, okay, so possible conflicting messages there from him, but I wasn't bothered. Then since we were in his neighborhood he said, "Oh, you know what we should do?! You haven't seen my place yet, so we should go watch the sunset on my roof." Obviously, I said yes. As we walked to his place his phone rang, he looked to see who it was, apologized to me, and answered it. Things like that don't bother me unless I'm in the middle of an important conversation. However, as we walked along and I obviously heard his side of the conversation I started laughing in my head hysterically because Seventy-five was clearly making a date with the person on the other end of the line. When he hung up, he kind of sheepishly looked at me and said, "So, I met someone." To which I laughed and replied, "Obviously." Then he said, "Actually! I met her last time we went dancing? Remember that girl?" "Nope, we met a lot of people that night." He responded, "Yeah! You're such a social butterfly." Then we changed the subject, and I thought "friends it is."

I'm not mad about it all; I think it's entertaining, and at some point I'm going to teach him about all of his mixed signals because any other girl might not be so chill about him putting his arm around me saying things such as, "I'm so glad I met you. I've been telling all my friends how cool you are, especially when I ditched them to go dancing with you."

In conclusion, if a guy organizes a date with someone else when you're standing right there, he probably thinks of you as just a friend.

In case you're wondering, they're going out on Tuesday because she has a cold and he already has plans this weekend.

Seventy-four

Seventy-four and I met through a mutual acquaintance on Valentine's Day. I went to watch a band because I had recently met the guitarist and told him I'd check out his band next time they played. Seventy-four was at the same show and at one point when my friends and I were dancing up a storm I danced over to him and said, "We saved some space for you on the dance floor" to which he replied, "Nah, I'm good" so I just smiled and danced away. Towards the end of the show my friends and I were trying to guess which people in the crowd were dating the which band members, and we guessed that Seventy-four was with the singer. However when Guitarist walked out after the show it turns out he and Seventy-four were friends. Guitarist introduced us, and within five minutes I brought up karaoke and spirit animals and within two minutes it was clear that he thought I was a complete imbecile. Then I apparently redeemed myself by saying that I was going to finish the evening at another bar for some live jazz because he showed up there. It turns out that before the live jazz which I'm at weekly there is open-mic night that Seventy-four and Guitarist attend. Before the evening was through, Seventy-four and I learned that we live in the same neighborhood (and that he actually lives a block away from a few of my good friends) and we danced. A drunk guy kept trying to get us to dance, and I finally agreed thinking he'd leave us alone; this worked for a bit, but the guy ended up returning, at which point Seventy-four grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. When he was leaving he offered to drive me home, and I accepted and told my friends good night. I decided to fight my normal inclinations and (a) not ask him out, (b) not get his number, and (c) not kiss him. I figured if we go to the same bar pretty much every week we'd run into each other soon. A couple of days later one of my friends that was with me that night told me that she saw him on a dating app, so I learned that he was 32 (What? I was interested in someone that wasn't 10 years younger?!) and apparently single (yay!)

However, we didn't run into each other for several weeks, so I ended up asking Guitarist for Seventy-four's number and was told, "I don't give out my friend's numbers." A few days later I texted Guitarist about it and he told me again that he didn't give out numbers, and I replied, "I totally respect that, but I thought you would ask him for permission." I didn't ask Guitarist again because I could tell he was having none of it (my friend insists it's because she thinks Guitarist likes me, whoops). After a few more weeks, I was returning two giant campfire roasting sticks (picture miniature tridents) to my friend when I saw Seventy-four sitting in his car. I decided it would look a little crazy to cross the street and knock on his window while holding large, sharp objects and figured it was worth the risk to stop at my friend's as planned and hope that he was still out there. Fail. Literally as I was leaving my friend's and crossing the road, Seventy-four got out of his car and walked into his house while I was still half a block away (I'll holler to a friend three blocks away, but I couldn't bring myself to yell at a handsome guy I met over a month ago from half a block). As fate would have it though, that night I went to jazz and was walking in just as Seventy-four was leaving. We said hi and he told me he had to head home but that Guitarist was still inside, and I replied, "But you're not...can I get your number before you go then?" He paused before saying, "I have a girlfriend" to which my obvious response was, "Congratulations!" Then he followed up with, "I can't just be giving out my number since I have a girlfriend." I decided the correct response was something about us being neighbors when what I really wanted to say was, "WHEN DID YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND?! YOU WERE ALONE ON VALENTINE'S DAY, AND A FEW WEEKS AGO YOU HAD A DATING PROFILE!!!!!!" (Wow, my self-control is really improving.) Then before saying goodbye he said he'd see me in the neighborhood.

In conclusion: Dear Guitarist, Next time just tell me that your hot friend has a girlfriend and save me the trouble.

AI

An acquaintance approached me with the idea of setting me up with one of his friends, and the reasons were, "You two are the nicest people I know, you both go to church, and his sister lives with him and you live with your sister." Not the strongest reasons in the world (there are plenty of nice people, church-going people, and people that live with family that I don't need to date), but I told him it was fine if he wanted to play matchmaker. Then he mentioned that the guy lives in a town that's over an hour away from me. I told my friend if he was going to set us up I needed him to know that (a) I'm not great at dating and that I didn't want him to be mad if nothing ended up happening, and (b) that I was not excited about the distance. He assured me he wouldn't be upset if I didn't like the guy and that as far as distance he'd told his friend that I lived in the city and didn't have a car and he was happy to come into the city to take me out on a date.

A few days later I got a text from the guy a few days later introducing himself, and over the next week our text exchange was so formal that I swear I was communicating with a computer, so this guy is aptly named AI.

Exhibit A:
AI: Sounds like you had a fun night. Girls night out?
Me: It's SF beer week and while I despise beer I love my friends and one of them was out promoting his brewery at a pub, so a few of us went out to support him.
AI: That's cool that you're willing to take one for the team to support your friends. It shows you're a loyal friend.
Me: Nah, I'm just a social butterfly.

Exhibit B: He asked what my weekend plans were, and I mentioned that I was going to a concert and a fundraiser for Haiti...
AI: Wow, you are a Social Butterfly. I think it's great to hear all the things you have planned. I think it's great you do fundraising dinners. Shows your Humanitarian Aid side of you. I'm sure your friends on Social Media may envy your lifestyle, too.

Yes, he was very nice and affirming of my decisions, however, he was a bit too formal. However I stuck with it for over a week when finally he told me he was coming into the city on Friday during the day to meet some friends before going to Tahoe. Then he asked if he showed up around mid-day if I was able to meet him. I told him, "It won't work out for me to meet you then, but I hope you have a great weekend!" While I was fine with meeting AI in general, I wasn't going to juggle my work schedule around to make it happen. He never responded to that and two weeks later I haven't heard back from him. I initially thought about following up and asking how his weekend was, but since I knew I wasn't interested I decided not to engage him and string him along.

All in all he seemed like a polite, nice guy (or computer, I'll never know now), but I need some flirty banter mixed in with the nice.

Seventy-Three

There are a lot of bike messengers that are continuously coming into the building where I work, and they're all friendly, sarcastic, and rough around the edges so I obviously love it. One guy came in this week and was trying to deliver something to another company in the building but wasn't having any luck, so he came over to where I was sitting and asked if I could help. He happened to interrupt a very important conversation I was having with a co-worker about giving people the thumbs-up sign. My co-worker said he didn't think people used it enough for people to know what I was doing (I've been in this phase of casually saluting co-workers or giving them thumbs up when they walk by rather than waving). When I told Seventy-three that the people he was looking for didn't work with me and that I couldn't be of any help he gave the thumbs down sign while he said these people were sending him on a wild goose chase. I told him good luck and he thanked me and complimented my dinosaur earrings as he walked away. He was cute and I was feeling ambitious, so I quickly wrote my name and number down on a post-it and chased him down and said, "This is completely unprofessional...if you can't get a hold of those people, you can always call me." He smiled and said, "Will do."

A few hours later he texted me a simple, "Hi Penelope, this is Seventy-three from earlier." I replied, "Hi! Thumbs up for using my number." Then I followed up the next day with, "Post-work ice cream today?" I didn't hear anything from him and didn't think anything of it. Then the next day he messaged me, "Hey, sorry I took so long to reply. A post-work ice cream would've been nice, but I was busy yesterday. I should let you know that I have a girlfriend. If you'd still like to have a post-work snack sometime though, I'd be very much down!"

My first instinct was, "Too bad he has a girlfriend, but yay for honesty!" My second thought was, "Wait, he still wants to meet up? Does he want me to be his mistress?!" My final thought was, "This guy was honest, good for him. AND he likes having friends, yay!" So I finally replied, "Of course you have a girlfriend! Thanks for being up front about that. But yeah, let's be friends and hang sometime." And now I wash my hands of it. If we become friends and he introduces me to one of his cute bike messenger friends and we fall in love and I learn to ride my bike and live happily ever after, then so be it.

Digits

I've been told that it's important to maintain an exercise routine even if you're happy with how you look and feel, and I think the same holds true for flirting and giving your phone number to someone. I'm currently happy with my crushes, and there's no one at the moment that I have my eyes set on wooing. However, I don't want to get rusty (or boring), so in three days I gave my number out twice without actually asking for a date.

Recipient #1: The stand-up bass player in a band at a country line-dancing bar. I struck up a conversation with him and his friends while trying to find someone to teach my friend and me how to do the two-step. These guys ended up being the main band of the night, and later the bass player wowed all of my friends by literally standing on his bass while he played. During the break he and I talked about the his bass tricks, my dancing, the Macarena, and how the band is hoping to move out this way from the Midwest. I told him my friends and I had to leave during their next set and gave him a hug. Before we left though, I initiated the Macarena and soon there were about thirty of us doing the Macarena to a country song. It was epic, and the bassist had to stop playing and put the bass down for a minute because he was laughing so much. I waved goodbye and left him a note on the stage telling him to call me if they ended up relocating. The next morning he texted me to compliment my abilities of starting a Macarena craze mid-song.

Recipient #2: The bartender at a restaurant. I was at dinner with a couple of friends and went to the bar to get us some napkins. I told the bartender that I was taking them, and he feigned shock as I apologized for taking his family heirlooms. As I was about to leave I asked him how I could ever make it up to him and suggested embroidering his initials on napkins for him, to which he immediately replied, "JMB!" I recruited my much more artistic friend to write that monogram on a napkin (she nailed it - if you ever need paper napkins monogramed with a pen, I've got the perfect person); then I turned over the napkin and added my initials, first name, and phone number. I handed him the napkin with his monogram facing him and told him to have a good night. Whether or not he turned it over and saw my information, I don't know.

Moral of the story: Stay in shape. Go give your number to someone just for fun, not because you're expecting a call or to fall in love.