Ten

Last year my sister set up an OK Cupid account for me – she said she was bored, but truth is she never wants me to move away from her, so she thinks if I find a man in SF I’ll stay forever (so far she's out of luck).  I kept the account for about two months before canceling it because (a) since I'm not looking for "the one" I didn't really care, (b) apparently you have to be on there all the time to make things happen, and (c) I found that I get awfully "judgy" when I'm looking at people's dating profiles (whether it's their choice of picture, their grammar, or their hobbies) and I don't want to be a jerk like that.

Believe it or not, I'm not always social.  On occasion I decide to be a hermit because maybe I'm dogsitting and choose to be lazy or perhaps my face is having a horrible week and doesn't need to be seen by the world.  For times like these I decided to re-activate my Ok Cupid account so I can still ask out a guy while simultaneously lounging in my pjs and eating chips & guacamole.  A few days after I was back on the online dating circuit, Ten rated me a 4 out of 5 but didn't make any further attempt to contact me.  After checking out his profile and seeing that among having a few other things in common, we both love the Goonies.  I sent him a message that was simple and to the point, “If we both like the Goonies, it probably wouldn't be a disaster if we met. What do you think?”  I have yet to get a response from Eleven, which makes me sad because my follow-up question was going to be "Hey, why did you only rate me a 4 out of 5?"  How on earth will I know how to improve myself to gain that last point now?

Update

In case you are keeping score, I sadly have only about 1% progress to report.  So much effort, so little reward.

One, Two, Seven, and Eight were no-go’s.  I even went the extra mile with Eight and posted a Missed Connection on Craigslist, but I didn't get any response.  I never heard from Three or Four.  Five was supposed to call me when he was back in town, but I never heard from him; clearly he never came back from Hawaii. 

I think Six and I somehow merged right into friends.  He texted me the night I gave him my number so that I would have his number, and then we became Facebook friends.  I didn't get to see him on Halloween so he texted me a picture of him in his outfit, in which he was wearing a red thong - hilarious (with the cape and horns, his costume was a "sexy devil").  We chat on Facebook regularly about nothing in particular.  I’ve invited him to do things a few times, and he’s always very apologetic about not being available.  However, he did make me an amazing mixed CD before he left for the Christmas Holiday, so in middle school terms, I’d say we’re an official couple.

Sadly I never heard back from Nine.  After my initial text about going on a date, I sent another text a few days later inviting him to meet me out dancing.  Obviously his phone must have been stolen after we exchanged numbers because I never got a reply from him.

Stats:

- Nine attempts

- Zero dates

- One new friend with great music taste

- Tons of entertainment for you and me

- Nine guys out there who hopefully have a rise in their self-esteem

Bring on the next one!

Nine

I found my energetic, dancing counterpart!  Nine was all over the place on the dance floor, making friends with everyone, while his friends just watched in embarrassment from the sidelines.  That’s my style..dance like crazy and talk to strangers while my friends stand aside just shaking their heads at me.  Yes!  To top it off at one point Nine caught my eye and reeled me in with the fishing move.  Destiny.  He was totally obnoxious (but in a fun, goofy way) and had a loud East coast accent.  Nine confessed his love for Salt ‘N Pepa, and I’m pretty sure he fell in love with me when I told him sometimes I do "Push It" and "Shoop" at karaoke.  I repeat, destiny.  I was having so much fun that I told him, “Get your phone out.  We’re trading numbers, and we’re going out.” After the number exchange he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, “I’m your guy.”

Now I will admit that by the time we exchanged numbers, Nine was a little tipsy, and in case he forgot that he had my number I decided to make the first attempt at reaching out a few days later.  Most of my life I have been told that I can be intimidating, and sometimes I listen to people’s advice (but most of the time I say, “I am what I am” and do things my way).  With Nine I decided to compromise.  Normally I would call the guy, but I decided I’d be modern and text him instead to be a little less forward I suppose.  Three days  later (because three days is the rule, right?  I hate the rules and usually ignore them, but I’m trying here) I sent him this text, “Dancing was great!  Now let’s follow that fun up with a date.”  I’m trying to be clear about this whole date business because I have a tendency to go from flirt to friend in about .04 seconds.  It’s a fine (or maybe just invisible) line for me when it comes to being intimidating, friendly, and a flirt.  We’ll see what Nine thinks.

Eight

Some friends and I were out for the night listening to some bands.  While waiting for the main band I told them, “I’ll be right back.  I’m going to go ask a guy on a date.” Then I walked up to a guy that earlier in the evening I shared a 30-second conversation regarding a song that had been playing. Now I wouldn’t say I have a definite type, but a few of my friends definitely say that “The more homeless a guy looks, the more Penelope likes him.”  Taking that into account, I’m trying to be diverse with these attempts.  This particular guy was wearing a plain, button-up long sleeve shirt, had a grown-up haircut, and just a tiny bit of scruff.

I did what I do best, and just walked right up to Eight and started talking, “Hi again!  I have a few personal questions for you.  Do you have time?”  Seeming to be amused by my frankness, he said sure.

“First.  What’s your name?” “Eight.”  “Eight, I’m Penelope, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Second.  Will you be growing a mustache for the month of November?” “Absolutely, I’ve already started,” insert the beginning of me giving him a high-five as he continues, “My uncle actually recently died of prostate cancer.”  Stopping my high-five in mid-air I said, “Oh man.  I’m totally taking back  that almost high-five and giving you a hug instead.”  Insert totally comfortable hug here and then my non-existent transition to the next question. 

“Next.  Now this one’s really important…if M&M was to discontinue all M&M’s but one kind, which one would you insist they keep?”  Without hesitation Eight replied, “Green.”  Laughter from me, “I meant, you know, peanut, plain, almond…”   Eight was adamant, though, “Nope, just green.  They can get rid of everything as long as they keep all the green ones.”  “Wow, I love that answer!  That leads me up to my last question.”  He teasingly told me, “Well you’re already up to three questions, but I guess I’ve got time for one more.”

Without missing a beat I went for it, “If I were to give you my number and asked you on a date right now, would you call me so we could go on said date?”  At this point, I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m the most entertaining person around as he laughs and says, “What?! Do people still date?  Because I don’t date.”  I was not giving up, “Well you should start!  Let’s go on a date!”  He was awesome and was totally going along with it, “Hm, let me think about this. When would we go on this date?”  I told him,  “Anytime.  Except tonight that is; this, right here, doesn’t count as our first date.  Ok, the band is starting.  I’m going to dance, you have fun, think about it, but don’t leave without getting my number okay?”  “Deal.”  I don’t know if he fled or what, maybe he looked for me, but I didn’t see him when the show was over.  Argh, I liked our rapport, and we seemed to have great date potential in our 5-minute conversation.  Lesson learned here - follow-through is key.

Time Out

Here I am asking out all these guys, and I haven't been asked out on any dates since I started this blog.  However, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me because even though I might not get asked out all the time, it does occasionally happen.  For example, about five months ago, a guy in my neighborhood asked me out.  He was sweeping the sidewalk as I walked by, and our interaction went something like this...
Guy: Hi there, pretty lady, how are you doing today?
Me:  I’m doing great.  How about yourself?  
Guy: Oh, I’m all right.  Listen, would you want to get a bite to eat with me?  
Me: I’m sorry, I'm on my way to work.
Guy: Well, it doesn’t have to be right now.
Me: No, I really can’t.  I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much. 
Guy: Oh, I see.  Well he’s a lucky guy.  Could you spare a dollar or two for me instead then?


Key pieces of information here: I lied to him about having a boyfriend and the guy is a semi-homeless men.  He’s always nice and clearly clever because I felt so bad about turning him down (and lying about having a boyfriend) that I gave him money for lunch.  So yes, sometimes, I get asked out, kind of.

Seven

“Those are some sweet legs,” said Seven, the young, clean-cut, business man standing behind me in line at the bagel shop.  I’m smart enough to know that he meant the legs on my earrings – I have these amazing pair of earrings that are laminated pictures of legs in high heels that touch my shoulders, oh, and one of the legs has a guitar strut down it.  They are a great conversation starter, like today.  As we stood in line, we bonded over my accessories, his speedy bagel-ordering abilities, and the great weather (he was taking advantage of the sunshine by skipping work the next day to play frisbee golf).  We got our orders at the same time, and when we walked out I decided to seize the day! 

“This was fun.  Would you maybe wanna go out sometime?”  A flicker of surprise definitely crossed his face before he replied, “Um, what?  Thanks, but I can't.  I have a girlfriend.” I was totally unphased and just said, “Oh, ok, well have a good day.”  Seven apparently needed some closure, so he followed up with, “Um, oh, wait.  Did you think I was hitting on you?” I could tell he was not being a jerk, and was just concerned that he led me on, so I told him, “Nope.  You were nice, and I figured why not?  I mean, you definitely shouldn't stop being nice to people because of this!  I swear they won’t all try to ask you out like I just did – and I totally don’t mean that in a rude way.”  After a nervous laugh from Seven, some more “ums,” “ohs,” “have a nice day,” and “see ya around” I walked away laughing to myself.  I might not be getting any dates, but as always I love the absurdity of my life.